Trying to remember that this feeling of anxiety combined with excitement and accomplishment is part of what I have chose. What I have chosen my whole life and continue to choose everyday - being an artist. Being a creative person trying to be 100% me in the moment and honor that. And those times in my life where I have not chosen it have been the sad-er portions, the more angry portions. I got an email from someone who is close (and I had thought) friendly the other day with a comment designed to specifically level me. To remind me or trigger the feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt that I have .... and it has with remarkable accuracy and pain. That anyone would do this always shocks me. It seems so unfair. And then I wonder if I have done this to someone. Intentionally, i hope not, but unintentionally because of jealousy or envy - maybe. Probably. And that realization is another reason to honor what I am doing now, following the paintbrush. Because I find, when you are doing what you want to do, following your hearts desire and really trying... well then and only then do those ugly desires to take something away from others evaporate. They just evaporate and I feel so happy and joyful for others accomplishments and inspired by their bravery and its all so beautiful. Much better place to create and live from. I believe all emotions have a healthy vibe and then an unhealthy vibe...I don't like feeling that dark thread, when emotions go down the rabbit hole of dark. Honest is a great combatant as well. So, yes, I am scared and I am worried I am not "good enough". My show opening reception is this week and I am scared to look foolish, showy, arrogant, naive, ridiculous, or just less. But, I am thankful that this person, and their comment, whether intentional or not (it doesn't really matter) reminded me of my path. I am so pleased, blessed and happy to be on my path. And I honor where I am with it all and I look forward to painting today. jxo