New Years Resolution - To Challenge or not to challenge?!?!

Well, It is December 27th and as New Years eve approaches I am wondering how I want to start 2016. Last year I woke up on January 1st and KNEW I had to begin with a bang so I jumped in the cold Pacific with some near and very dear friends. It seemed to bring good things because in 2015 I graduated with my Yoga teacher training certificate ( a bucket list thing for sure) and I embarked on the career that I have wanted to do secretly for decades (a secret in some ways from even me), being not only a working artist but a PAINTER. 

So what should it be? I am spending the big EVE in Alberta so jumping into the ocean is not an option and seems like a repeat in some ways. I am loving moving forward these days, being grate-FULL for the present moment... but there is a bit of unfinished business I need to address from the past. So I feel like I may take a note from some of the really inspiring artists I follow on instagram and do a 365/everyday of 2016 challenge to paint a watercolor picture everyday. Watercolor has alway haunted me. And this whole idea scares me so very much because I am terribly afraid to let myself down... you know, self-care and all that, a bit challenging for me. I am the first thing I let go of when overwhelmed, tired, stressed etc....scary.

But I can not seem to get it out of my head. So maybe I am ready to try. 

Alright then, let me take this moment to officially announce that I will be doing this for my new years resolution. Yikes. One painting everyday, in watercolors, and I will post it. This doesn't mean I am giving up on my palette knives or canvases, so get ready for lots of postings I guess - haha!

Much love to you 2015, you have been very good to me. No returning cancer, amazing family and friends, the arrival of my next 40 years obsession with painting, dreams coming true and my amazing son who inspires all the good things in my world. Hello 2016, I am Jen and I so very excited to see what we will do together, xo.

December 6. 2015 - My show is hung and I did it with care...

Trying to remember that this feeling of anxiety combined with excitement and accomplishment is part of what I have chose. What I have chosen my whole life and continue to choose everyday - being an artist. Being a creative person trying to be 100% me in the moment and honor that. And those times in my life where I have not chosen it have been the sad-er portions, the more angry portions. I got an email from someone who is close (and I had thought) friendly the other day with a comment designed to specifically level me. To remind me or trigger the feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt that I have .... and it has with remarkable accuracy and pain. That anyone would do this  always shocks me. It seems so unfair. And then I wonder if I have done this to someone. Intentionally, i hope not, but unintentionally because of jealousy or envy - maybe. Probably. And that realization is another reason to honor what I am doing now, following the paintbrush. Because I find, when you are doing what you want to do, following your hearts desire and really trying... well then and only then do those ugly desires to take something away from others evaporate. They just evaporate and I feel so happy and joyful for others accomplishments and inspired by their bravery and its all so beautiful. Much better place to create and live from. I believe all emotions have a healthy vibe and then an unhealthy vibe...I don't like feeling that dark thread, when emotions go down the rabbit hole of dark. Honest is a great combatant as well. So, yes, I am scared and I am worried I am not "good enough". My show opening reception is this week and I am scared to look foolish, showy, arrogant, naive, ridiculous, or just less. But, I am thankful that this person, and their comment, whether intentional or not (it doesn't really matter) reminded me of my path. I am so pleased, blessed and happy to be on my path. And I honor where I am with it all and I look forward to painting today. jxo

July 22, 2015

WORKING and WORKING.... all I can think about it painting and all I want to do is paint. But almost need to meditate thru each moment because that obsessive feeling can be paralyzing. Or am I completely overthink my creative process, perhaps I will just grab the palette knife again and work this out. haha, jen xo

First Show Tonight

I feel nervous and thrilled. Like this has already happened, or should have and also like I have waited for so long to see this day. And I don't really know my emotions right now, they feel strange. Blessings.